Brillo Magazine - Xena

Once a month, as regular and as vicious as PMS, swordfights break out at Meow Mix — a grrrly bar in New York's Lower East Side — over Xena:Warrior Princess, while the more battle-shy fans watch back-to-back episodes over cocktails.

   This gathering proves that Xena is the heroine we've all been waiting for: one who neither apologizes for her brutal behavior nor hides behind a boring, mousy, secretarial alias. One who would respond to cries of, "Why are you such a megabitch?" with a fatal stab in the gut.
   There are myriad reasons why this syndicated TV show is such a phenomenon, which may or may not be as fascinating as the folks who actually watch the show. That's the why the opportunity to commune with Xena-ites at the first-ever Hercules and Xena: Warrior Princess convention, held recently at the Burbank Airport Hilton in Burbank, California, was so delicious.
   The writers of Xena: Warrior Princess have shown little regard for historical accuracy in creating this crazy mish-mash. Xena, for instance, is a warrior from ancient Greece who defeats medieval villages with fancy kung fu fighting methods, yelping her battle cry in an Arabic tongue, and ordering her army about with an American accent.

Yet this bizarre pastiche of cultures has gathered a varied and strange following for Xena, and all of her fans seemed to be present at the Hilton.
Although Xena's show is a spin-off of Hercules, she has clearly won the popularity contest. While tickets were still available for the day devoted to Hercules, Xena Sunday was sold out well in advance, with tenacious fans lining up outside in the rain waiting to get inside. Teenage punk girls mingled with suede-clad, paunchy Renaissance Faire freaks. Geeky men with domination leather fantasies fondled Xena cardboard cutouts while young boys deliberated between the official and unofficial Lucy Lawless Fan Clubs. Moms and daughters wore matching "Xenites Rule" T-shirts, while lesbian couples sported tees with an image of Xena and her perky blonde sidekick Gabrielle kissing. It was not the usual group of convention fans, a special breed whose obsessions bolster the U.S. economy with the purchase of overpriced T-shirts, posters, and fan club memberships.

   It was disturbing to discover that medieval revivalism dominated the convention — there were a few too many obnoxious, geeky men dressed like friars. They didn't seem to understand that Xena uses the Middle Ages as an alternate stage for contemporary storytelling, just like The Smurfs. No, Xena is not intentionally trying to rehash the Dungeons and Dragons game craze of 1984.
   And yes, some of Xena's fans are a little confused. But that's okay — so, apparently, is Lawless, at least judging by her onstage antics. Take, for instance, her performance at the convention's big finale: First, the blue- polyester- garbed Princess Warrior herself kindly obliged most of her fans' requests. She arched her eyebrow on command, shrieked her battle cry, and signed frisbees. When Lawless exclaimed that she ought to run for dictator of the year, the audience of thousands screamed their support.
   But when asked to sing, Lawless hedged a little, then confessed, "I only know bad cowgirl songs, and there are children present." She did, however, delight her fans by singing the old standard "Deep in the Heart of Texas" and the lesser- known "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts" (note: she sang this while hung upon a crucifix on a reel of Xena bloopers).
   More properly, she also answered pressing questions about the show, such as "How come every guy Gabrielle kisses always dies?" One especially flustered little boy in a Superman T-shirt approached the stage to speak to Lawless, but became so excited that he forgot what it was he wanted to ask her and simply burst into tears, sobbing, "I love your show."
   He's probably going to end up with some kind of crazy Xena fetish when he grows up.

XENA: A PICTORIAL ANALYSIS

The Cult of Xena
The show's subversive subtext has inspired quasi-intellectual debate on the Internet, bringing the postmodern literati on as faithful viewers of Xena. One would hope, for instance, that The Journal of Xena Studies would be a beacon of hope in a sea of "creative anachronism," but the sentimental descriptions of onscreen kisses shared by Xena and Gabrielle, and jumbled gushing paragraphs about the wonders of Lucy are, frankly, disappointing. One bizarre rant, however, discusses the "foreshadowing" of modern day law and economics in Xena: Warrior Princess. Has anyone told this man that television isn't real? And that Greek mythological figures didn't run around New Zeland in the middle ages?

Xena: Bondage Queen
Xena has the strength to wield both sword (phallus) and the chakram (cootchie), and she's as much of a bondage queen as Wonder Woman is. While Wonder Woman simply works for the U.S. Army in her spare time, Xena has an army of her very own. Lynda Carter was just dandy for the bra-burning '70s, but '90s women (and men) need someone capable of burning down the White House.

Boob Power
While other popular hermaphroditic figures like RuPaul lampoon one or the other sides of his/her sexual nature, Xena seems to wear both her masculinity and her feminity with pride. There's really no question that Xena's all woman — her boobs are bustin' out all over, yet she wields the kind of power that only American men are able to obtain in today's political climate. Xena's gender interchangability has a kind of mass appeal that sexually ambiguous characters like Pat (of Saturday Night Live) never attained.

Xena vs. Brenda: The More Appropriate '90s Grudge Match
Instead of evil warlords, perhaps a more equal match for the Warrior Princess would be Brenda Walsh from Beverly Hills 90210. The battle to end all battles would've ensued if these two had occupied the same time slot in the kingdom of prime time. Their hot-blooded tempers perfectly match their high cheekbones and identical hairstyles. Bangs would fly. Sassaby makeup cases would clash with ancient swords. But, as good outweighs evil, Xena would most likely kick Brenda's ass back into her suburban home.

This article was originally printed in Allstar Magazine. Reprinted by kind permission.